you're the thunder
۞ swalker(s)

You see, I don’t wish to be anyone else, alive or dead. I wish to be myself with this poisoned blood, infected thoughts and clogged up brain. Though I truly wish to be somewhere far away from here -my heart knows damn well where that is-, and get to become whatever that’s deep inside me (and that I know shines bright) someday.

3 days
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nantjeontheshore will reply to msgs asap people just got home gotta go have dinner blah blah so I apologise if it takes me a while!! sendin love your way (i just realised we live like 1,5-2 hours away now?? crazy wow)

nantjeontheshore absolutely marvelous and enjoyable BUT I’m also finding I really have to learn how to deal with anxiety in social settings let me give you the quick example of having been invited to a restaurant by host dad and neighbours and having ordered a japanese soup I absolutely despise just because they recommended it lmao *drowns self in pool of discomfort* but am loving germany greatly!! I’ve had a good time, drank more than I did in the whole first half of the year, learned a lot about wine, discovered my new favourite beer and lost weight due to jetlag… #aren’t those the goals

Also related: I hate clubbing. I’m the pub/festival/house party girl. Clubs make me incredibly anxious and self conscious… it’s actually laughable. I only enjoy it a very specific setting (drunk enough to be unaware of how ridiculous I look dancing and with psychedelic/trance or even house music). Why am I mentioning this? I promised this girl I would go clubbing with her tomorrow (it’s her birthday, and we’re both new to the country… not to mention we’re neighbours so I can’t escape it). And it’s not even that the mere fact of going to a club makes me uncomfortable, no. She wants to go to the kind of place where they play the freakin top 40’s. She wants to dance all night long. Basically: She Wants to Kill Me in My Sleep. I’m gonna puke. Come back for updates later. Currently busy trying to pick myself up from the floor.

nantjeontheshore been in germany for almost 2 weeks now!! arrived on the 17th, when do u start class? x

real talk who’s gonna teach me how to socialise I’ll pay in kisses and blueberry muffins

I am so excited about starting to learn german properly in an actual classroom with an actual teacher BUT I’m also scared as hell wtf I’m in a foreign country EVERYTHING IS NEW and Every Single Face I see pertains to a stranger oh god I’m gonna pass out

but HOW do you get rid of anxiety about Very Unnecessary And Harmless Everyday Stuff this is a serious question please point me to a manual before I punch myself in the throat


mom: so how do you know this person?

me: *struggles to come up with plausible fake story instead of saying “on the internet”*